BETTER

Illness Update
A slight cough remains, accompanied by sinus gunk, but for the most part, I'm doing much better. Analiese and I were even able to get out and walk after Seminary this week!

I've napped a little (no longer than an hour), but haven't felt the lassitude and weakness that the prior weeks had haunted me. I've actually had the energy to get a few things done. I've much more to do, but it's a start.

Shoot, it's shots!
I'm down to only two allergy injections per week now. It's a stronger "formula" and is stretched out for a longer duration. I get to decide when to do it, just as long as there are two days in between injections. I have chosen Tuesday and Friday. Don't ask me; they just work. Plus, I don't like to depress my weekends with the thought of a shot. Makes me grumpy.

Stupidly, on Tuesday, I jabbed my right hand just under my pointer finger with a spent needle. I was supposed to have clipped the needle off the syringe right away, but hadn't. Besides the jab pain and a little blood, the area swelled up and itched for quite a while. Each arm has a different "formula"; the left is animal allergens, the right is plants. I'm not sure which "formula" my hand received! Stupid.

Analiese
Her blog will talk all about the community musical production she's in: Mary Poppins. She won't mention all of the driving back and forth that parental figures (with an occasional brother) have to do. She also won't acknowledge the schedule-wrecking it does. Currently, it's put a strain on Family Home Evening, dinnertime, and dishes. I want her to have this experience, but I needed to grumble a bit. I'm glad it'll be over mid-March.

Also, we've been talking with her EPIC teachers (her regular one and his wife, who's teaching the Shakespeare class Analiese enrolled in) about her enrolling concurrently between EPIC and USAO this fall. The state only pays for her senior year at the college, but EPIC education funds can pay for her junior year. She's glad to kill two birds with one stone (college and high school credit simultaneously) and excited to try new things. She's my courageous explorer: confident, curious and enthusiastic. I really don't know what direction her life will take; she has so many interests and skills!

Tutoring, teaching, whatever
I can say fairly confidently that I have a regular student. It's the 11-yo boy in level three that I've been teaching weekly now. He has been so quiet and shy, but it starting to open up to me. Last time I made him laugh, this week, he not only laughed (at and with me) but attempted true personal conversation. It's really fun to see him come out of his shell and trust sharing with me. He's even being playful!

When talking with Analiese's teachers, I mentioned my VIPKid work. They suggested I sign up as an EPIC vendor and tutor kids locally. I guess they really need reading and Spanish tutors. I'm up for that. EPIC can fill in the VIPKid blanks and I can do much more VIPKid teaching in the summer when EPIC is out. Not a bad little side hustle!

Grandma Practice
It seems so weird to even think of it...grandparenthood. My kids are not ready for that stage yet (thank goodness, in Analiese's case), but I do like the little ones. And miss them, I'll admit that.

One of my MS's is about ready to Pop! She is so very uncomfortably pregnant. She asked if I would watch her toddler and the baby they've been fostering so she could go to the OB on Thursday. This meant getting everything done in the morning, but I was up for it. Plus, I was hoping the doctor would say (for MS's sake) "Let's get this kiddo out of here." That, sadly, didn't happen.

Her toddler sat on my lap a good bit of the time, watching a Disney movie and making commentary. She's an adorable kiddo. I also got some baby time - gosh, it's been so long since I changed a diaper! The older kids came home from school and offered to hold the baby for me. Nah, I was good! I wanted to cuddle that tiny little girl!

My Hair
Seriously, I need a haircut. My hair is past my shoulders; frizzled and grizzled, I call it. It looks dragged out, tired and old. And I can do nothing with it.

Shirley Temple-type curls...out of control!

Luckily, a sister in our ward works for a nice (read: expensive) salon in town. I am splurging a little from our tax return to get a cut (and color!) next week. It's not really a splurge; it's also a business expense. I need a better bio photo and video for VIPKid. I've been delaying that until I could get this hair under control.

Strengths & Weaknesses
When Ken was first diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I was considering writing a "church" book: Asperger's, Agency, and the Atonement. Mainly, I wanted to try and figure out where the line is between the condition and the control/agency the person has over it. How much of it can't a person help? How much is up to them? How does the Atonement of Jesus Christ figure into that?

Of course, as I've grown and had my own weakness diagnosed and exposed - Anxiety - I realized I needed to change the title: Asperger's, Anxiety, Agency, and the Atonement.  In many ways, I think it's made me more sympathetic to Ken's cause, because I know I have my own struggles. Still, I wonder (and worry, cuz that's Anxiety) how much of that is up to me?

It makes me ponder the Book of Ether in the Book of Mormon, chapter 12, verse 27: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

So how does a weakness, like Anxiety, become a strength through Jesus Christ's grace (enabling power)? I've often wondered that. Today, while pondering during testimony meeting in Church, I had a little answer come to me. I remember being thought of as a sensitive child. And it was a weakness: "She's too sensitive." Easy to cry, easy to get angry, easy to get upset. Too much of it and a bit out of control.

Yet these last few years, as I've known and acknowledged my Anxiety, recognized the causes for negative reactions, etc., I've also grown. I've learned to handle things better, be more aware of what I'm feeling, why, and how to deal with it. And that sensitivity has turned into something better. Instead of being negatively sensitive (cry, anger, upset), it's more of awareness, empathy, and desire to love and serve. As a strength, the sensitivity helps me understand others better, desire to give more and be more. And it helps me to love and feel love deeper. I can make better choices because of my awareness and open my heart freely because I understand the love of God and Christ for myself and others better.

I was glad to see that today. To understand how Christ can turn weaknesses into strengths. And I'm so very grateful for the opportunities these last few years have afforded me to learn that and improve. I feel closer to Him because of it!