Some of us just pick up and go. Others have a journey first through time, but not space. And we are the latter, for reasons unknown to us at this time.
Our journey started way back in the spring. Here's my journal entry around that time:
"We are still waiting on pins and needles here to see if Ken is a) going to get a 2nd interview for the Oklahoma job - they say so, we just haven't been given a date/time yet, b) going to get an offer for the Oklahoma job and c) going to accept the Oklahoma job - yikes! The wait is making him slightly distractedly irritable.
I have yet to feel (Spirit-wise) whether or not the move is a good idea. Personally, I don't want to go - my resources and support group are here. But if it is where we are supposed to go and what we are supposed to do...I will follow. But the waiting is a killer."
At one point we figured it wasn't going to happen:
"No news is good news as far as I'm concerned. We should have heard, but haven't, about OK a long time ago, so I figure they don't want us and have forgotten to tell us."
Talk about yo-yo's:
"Life is CRAZY! This week Ken had two second interviews with two companies - and one was the OK job! Plus, he got an email inquiry about a third one - in Houston!"
And then...the news came:
"So it appears to be Oklahoma. They have sent us an offer and Ken appears to want to take it. I FEEL (in calmer moments) that this is the right thing to do. But right now I need to list my qualms...in order to calm them? Or just to bring them to light.
We are going to rural Oklahoma, earning less than we could live on in California. Ken says we'll be able to make it there. But, as my friend Michele says, we won't make it back easily. It has to work and we'll have to stick out there, like it or not.
I worry about the kids and their opportunities. Things as they are, my kids have still had so many experiences and chances here for growth. Will Oklahoma be able to offer them still more? Will they be able to homeschool there and still succeed? Will they need to go to school, just to be with people? Or just to have the resources they may need to acquire their dreams and goals?
And will we be able to progress and save and plan for our future there? Is there a future there? Ken says there is mobility in the company, but with his Aspergers, will he be able to do it? And if it meant another move, would we be able to move? Would there be enough $?
Also, I am very leery about the housing situation. Will there be places for us to rent or will we be able to get a home right off? Rural areas aren't well known for their apartment complexes. Plus, I don't know how well our mobile home here is going to sell, or if we'll end up giving it away.
And, of course, nearly everyone I know and love are here in California. Mom & Dad aren't getting younger and with so many health issues, I won't be around to help them.
I know there are positive things about taking the job and moving. I've heard them and been rehearsing them. Still, tonight - at nearly midnight - my fears seem very real - and very overwhelming. I will be fasting through the night into tomorrow and will ask Ken to give me a blessing in the morning. It will be as much for him as it is for myself. We need the Lord's consecrating hand on our family if this venture is to succeed."
Obviously, I was uneasy at first about the move:
"I asked Ken for a blessing this morning. I came to it fasting and he readily agreed, looking at yesterday's journal entry so he knew of my concerns. But when he started, he paused for a long time. Then he said he wasn't ready yet and needed to pray and ponder some more.
I went to the livingroom to do some studying and pondering of my own while I waited. Analiese was awake and kept me company. Ken was in our bedroom, behind closed doors. He said there was nothing for the longest time...and then Jonathan got up. The Spirit flooded into him and he knew what to say. He mentioned that the blessing could not be given without the whole family.
We're to go to Oklahoma. There is much growth and service and blessings awaiting us there. My worries were from Satan - to try and stop us. We are going to be blessed beyond measure due to our faith - faithfulness in tithing in particular - and our worthiness. What a blessing to have from the Lord that he thinks us worthy!
Of course, I am an emotional mess right now, full of gratitude that the Lord is right beside us. Even Ken wept some as he felt the Lord's love and blessings.
Things will work out. We just need to keep remembering that!"
So our journey begins with a step of faith:
"Ken leaves tomorrow, so he gave us all husband/father's blessings. Mine was mainly of comfort & safety, but also to know by the Spirit who would be purchasing the home, so that I could greet them warmly and they could feel by the Spirit that this was their new home. No timeline, though, bummer.
Still, it was good to have the peace of knowing things will go according to the Father's plan. Also, I can use this time remaining to comfort my mother and spend time with my friends."
My journals certainly reflected the times and concerns. And, of course, the adventure was only just beginning!
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